I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
