Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
