a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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