C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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