what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
