Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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