Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
pray to the hookup gods
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
