like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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