White coat. Heels.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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