OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're a waste of cheezeits
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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