are you so shy because you have an std?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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