So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
