He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
