Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
