i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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