Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize