If i could tip my vagina, i would.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
