I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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