So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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