I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She's the barista slut.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
