just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
