Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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