It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
