She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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