I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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