Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
