Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
