I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
