You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
