I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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