So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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