sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize