This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
