Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
