I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
