i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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