Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
