Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
