where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I skipped work to stalk him.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
