apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
