I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
