I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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