I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
