is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize