Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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