your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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