i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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