Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
