Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
