I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
