So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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