I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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