HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
