when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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