alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
