he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will be naked everywhere
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
