i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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