how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had sex on a roof
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
