I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
do herpes really smell.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
