I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
