it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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