she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
