All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
