my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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