I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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