he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my poor anus
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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