alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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