He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize