I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
